I knew it was a bad sign when he was drunk before 6pm
I knew he was a mess and it was going to be a rough night
it seems like I can do no right and he can do no wrong
every move I make is a step in the wrong direction
each time I try to do it better it is worse
I took the day off work to take my daughter to the doctor for her annual wellness check up, my blood pressure check up and to go to the bank.
I thought I was doing nothing wrong.
yes I understand she has missed several days of school between being sick and having to go to her specialist monthly.
After my doctor visit, after her doctor visit, I took her to lunch. I thought a Happy Meal would pep her up and I could send her off to school for the afternoon. Then she started playing the “I don’t feel so well card” I know she can make herself throw up on a cue. I didn’t want to push it. I took her home for some comfort and calm. Some mommy time just her and me and no doctors.
Then the storm came- he called and screamed at me because I missed his call. My phone was on silent and in my purse. He was furious. He grew even more angry as I told him she was not feeling well and I let her stay home with me. He was enraged as I told him I had to go to the bank to move money for her medical bills.
He came home and was irritable and irrational. There was no reasoning with him. So I avoided him as much as possible. Which worked fine until after dinner. After dinner- He started screaming at me telling me I am a “dumb ass” and I had no logical reason to take her to the doctor or have her out of school. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at me. I was cleaning up the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, washing the pots and pans and putting things away. I could take no more.
I told him I could not take him yelling anymore and that I was leaving until he calmed down or went to sleep. That set him off even more. This time shouting he wants a divorce if I “walk out”. My daughter started crying and screaming at this point. My beautiful 7 year old, baby girl. She is so sick and has so much to deal with besides this drunk father of hers screaming and name calling her mother. Now threatening with divorce.
Where will it go? where will it end? I don’t deserve this, my daughter doesn’t deserve to be put through this. It is mental abuse we endure from him daily. He is right, everyone else is wrong and he rules by intimidation.
The rest of the evening my daughter begged him to say he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it. He told her he wasn’t sorry at all. She told him he has a heart of stone as she cried.
I knew it was going to be a bad day- when he was drunk before 6 pm